wodneswynn:

DM:  “The orc captain fires his bow, and…that’s a hit.  And he rushes, and…hit.  And, bonus move, and…oh jeez that’s a *big* hit.  I’m sorry, man.”

Player, sadly pulling out a fresh character sheet:   “Eh, it’s alright.  I guess in the next act y'all are gonna meet Boromir’s brother Faramir.”

bonerfart:

Black Mirror Season 4 episode list announced

1. Cor Blimey, What If Facebook Likes Were The Only Way To Earn a Quid

2. Me Bloody Computer Tried Ta Kill Me, What a Right Corker

3. There Is An App That Can Download You… Well Scary Innit Bruv

4. Me New Misses Is a Android And I Aint Bovvered

5. The Cheeky Gov'na Got A Pic Of Me Bollocks Through Me Webcam

toesucker:

knifeofvenus:

My pussy is fat my heart is fatter got a tiny brain made of snickerdoodle batter

h0tbobby6782462169922122y5164231:

black mirror

wot if your willy wanked you

psychoetheric:

psychoetheric:

straight dude: what if my d&d character was like really violently homophobic. not because i am but like it would be dark and edgy

me: (internally) oscar wilde was right

in reference to this quote (tho he was also just right in general)

vishual:

klapollo:

klapollo:

hey shout out to PBS and public libraries

like dudes for real PBS has so many resources for education and stuff. you can watch HOURS of documentaries online for free on their site.

like no joke go on pbs dot org right now and you’ll find an entire netflix of public television with full transcripts to boot. the american experience site alone is loaded with multipart docuseries about american history

the availability can vary but even then watch pbs sometimes!! they have really cool crap on all the time. sometimes they play ballets and broadway shows. (donation ad voice) support public television

strange and bizarre how community-funded and supported programming and resources are made to be free and easy to access, and it’s some of the highest quality stuff you can get my friends! sorry not sorry socialism works

vampireapologist:

imagine trying out a super risky outfit ur not sure is gonna land well and on your way to the party you fall into a bog and become a bog body and in like 3,000 years they pull you out in like a pink mesh bathing suit with an applique that says “barbie girl” on the front tucked in as a body suit to a pair of track shorts that say “your card was declined” on the ass and a pair of elevated 90s gel sandals with a hitclips clipped to the strap with one cartridge (60 seconds of an nsync song) and they reconstruct you in a museum and tell the public that’s how people dressed

paris-nightsky:

““If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I bet they’d live a lot differently. When you look into infinity, you realize there are more important things.””

— Calvin and Hobbes (via iamjustareject)

grimygurl:

u kno whats good? when someone w nice big hands is makin u moan but the second u let out a sound they immediately cover ur mouth and tell u to shut up, thats whats good

bonus points if they keep covering ur mouth while they fuck you and/or let u suck on their fingers instead bc it’ll still keep u quiet anyway

cryofthegypsy:

Me to a newborn baby: Man u gotta see this *puts on Fleetwood Mac Rhiannon live 1976*

frogbong:

Top Ten Applebee’s I’ve Been Arrested In Rated By How Good The Floor Was For Doing The Worm